Ah, weddings. The flowers, the speeches, the questionable dance moves after a few too many glasses of Prosecco. For many, they’re a day of joy and celebration. But for autistic guests, weddings can sometimes feel like a sensory and social obstacle course.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve invited someone autistic to your big day (good on you). I have a hilarious picture that I won’t put online of my daughter’s face at her aunt and uncles wedding looking entirely fed up. She hated weddings, and being asked to be a flower girl with all the social expectations of having to walk down an aisle and throw petals, wearing strange clothes, it just didn’t work. I was so relieved when my own sister got married a year later and let her off the hook. By then we were a little better at navigating the wedding thing by then. But it’s gutting to think that someone might be dreading your big day, or may not cope with it. So, whether it’s a friend, family member, a child or a member of the wedding party, here are five ways to make sure they feel comfortable and included.
1. Give All the Details (Seriously, All of Them)
Think of your wedding invite as more than just a chance to show off your choice of font. For autistic guests, having as much information as possible in advance can make a world of difference. Include things like:- Timings (and how flexible or rigid they are—“We’ll start at 2pm sharp” vs. “The ceremony probably won’t kick off until 2:30 because Uncle Joe is always late”).
- The seating plan, if possible. Knowing where they’ll sit (and who they’ll sit with) helps avoid surprise social dynamics.
- What to expect (Will there be loud music? A formal meal? A chaotic buffet?).
- For a child, create a social story – I draw stick men on paper when I’m doing them on the fly, as I have zero art skills. But if you can put together a visual sequence of events on something like Canva the parent will be so grateful. Including things like ‘you will sit with mummy.’ ‘Music will be loud but you will be safe, you can wear ear defenders’.
2. Offer a Plus One (Even If They’re Single)
If you can swing it with your budget, consider offering your autistic guest the chance to bring someone they feel comfortable with. Weddings are full of unfamiliar people, social rituals, and “mingling” (aka an extrovert’s dream but an introvert’s nightmare). A trusted friend or family member by their side can make the experience far more manageable. A cute thing to do for a child is to offer a plus one for their favourite dolly or teddy to accompany them. Think of it this way: If someone invited you to an all-day networking event with strangers, wouldn’t you want to bring reinforcements?3. Create Sensory-Friendly Spaces
Not everyone thrives under flashing lights, booming music, and the DJ’s questionable taste in 80s ballads. If possible, create a quiet corner or chill-out space where guests can retreat if the sensory overload gets too much. Label it something welcoming, like “The Quiet Lounge,” rather than “The Escape Room for People Who’ve Had Enough.” Keep it stocked with some comfy seating, water, and a bit of low lighting (bonus if it’s away from the speaker system). This isn’t just great for your autistic guests—it’ll likely be appreciated by anyone with sensory sensitivities or who just needs a breather from Aunt Linda’s fifth rendition of Dancing Queen.4. Be Flexible with Social Expectations
Not all your guests will be up for hugging distant relatives, engaging in small talk with your mate from university, or queuing to shake hands with the entire wedding party. And that’s OK. If your autistic guest isn’t up for dancing, speeches, or group photos, let them opt out guilt-free. Just like when my sister dropped the expectation that her niece would actually be her flower girl on the day. That was what was needed in the end, and it was best for everyone. The best way to make them feel welcome is to honour their boundaries and not to be offended if they sit out of a few things or disappear for a bit and then come back.5. Don’t Spring Surprises
You know how you thought it would be hilarious to surprise everyone with a choreographed flash mob halfway through dinner? Or how the bride and groom are planning to make a sudden costume change during the first dance? For autistic guests, or members of the wedding party, surprises like these can be more stressful than entertaining. If you’ve got any “big reveals” planned, give your autistic guests a heads-up beforehand. A simple, “Hey, just so you know, there’s going to be a confetti cannon after the ceremony” goes a long way in reducing anxiety. I’m of the age now where I’m no longer going to many weddings and it’s all 40th birthday bashes instead, but when a surprise is sprung in any context and I can’t buffer it for my child, and she then struggles, it gets my back up. I will liken it to being a dog owner and suddenly fireworks start and your dog goes crazy and I know people in my area get annoyed about that. Some things just set my kid off and she doesn’t yet have the skills to moderate her reaction. So surprises are not good most of the time, and giving a quiet heads up is kind.Final Thoughts: Kindness and Understanding Go a Long Way
At the end of the day, weddings are about love, connection, and celebrating with the people who matter most. By taking a few extra steps to accommodate your autistic guests, you’re not just being thoughtful—you’re making your day truly inclusive. And honestly? These tips aren’t just for autistic guests—they’ll probably make the whole experience smoother for everyone. Because who doesn’t appreciate a quiet corner or a heads-up about a surprise flash mob? Exactly. So go forth, plan your big day, and know that your autistic guests will appreciate your effort more than you realise (even if they don’t say it out loud).
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